Voice-to-text in public places, comparable to hearing people's phone calls

A recent article I read noted that voice command would become the go-to method of not only searching for people, places and things on your mobile device, but also of texting.


I. HOPE. NOT.

Voice to text programs work relatively well, and I've been happy with the ease of using this application in the comfort of my own home. But, like I'd guess most Americans, don't spend a lot of time in my home...

Work (meaning my 9 to 5 cubicle inhabitance) consumes most of my days. It's terrifying to think of my coworkers talking to their smartphones who are talking to their friends and family throughout the day. I don't care to know that your wife is incapable of making any decisions by herself. I don't give two shits about your family's medical problems. And I definitely don't want to hear you chatting about politics or anything other subject our opinions differ on.

And in the same vein, I don't want them to hear my personal texts. They're crude, awkward and when taken out of context make me seem like the biggest asshole in New York. And that I am definitely not... These people are born with their middle-finger up and a scowl on their face.

I won't give an example of my texts, but just trust me they are obscene!

Then there's commuting -- approximately two hours -- which is already polluted with loudly explained exploits from the night before and yelling at baby-daddy's and their babies.

Then, finally, there's fun! Voice-to-text features most likely don't work well in noisy environments. And besides I try to keep as quiet as possible at bars so the "guy of my dreams" has ample opportunity to come over and say hello. ;)

That's a joke. Seriously... I don't do that.

Touch texting is private and discrete. Those are beneficial features. Touch texting isn't going anywhere anytime soon.

Comment with the future most embarrassing voice-to-text messages. 

Unless you can make a 3D printer that can cook like a Spanish woman I'm not interested.

As gun control advocates voice their concerns, pleading to increase background checks and limit or even outright ban the sale of automatic machine guns because of recent violent episodes such as the Sandy Hook elementary school shootings and The Dark Night theater massacre, other companies are working with easily accessible -- prices range from DIY kits for a couple hundred dollars to tens of thousands of dollars -- 3D printers to make guns.

And these aren't just replicas of guns, but actual firearms that work (loosely). Some 3D printed guns parts have split because of the pressure of firing several rounds, but Defense Distributed, an Austin, Texas-based project, plans on working out the kinks.

What will this mean for the future ... of weaponry? of selling, buying and keeping weapons? of 3D printers, which are revolutionizing the art fields?

While Defense Distributed is raising terrifying questions about the future use of 3D printers, Sculpteo is manufacturing a product less ominous and extremely useful. Sculpteo creates custom iPhone adapters for older iPod docks. TechCrunch, in the piece (linked above), brings up a good point. In a future where everyone has their own 3D printer, print-on-demand hardware puts hardware stores out of business and huge companies under pressure to make a whole new product instead of applying simple add-ons to the old product and selling it as something new.

While this example is intangible, think Apple and Samsung with their annoyingly small updates to make people buy new phones every year. Which leads me to believe eventually there will be a type of printer for this type electronic data in the future, so we can program there updates ourselves.

And while some might be cringing at the thought of all the companies shut down and jobs lost because of this innovation, I'll call your attention to the fact that this is just not true. Even though -- and we've seen this time and time again -- technology takes over a business formerly done by humans, does not mean that those humans never work again and die. No, those humans find other jobs, usually "better" jobs, and by that I mean jobs where the least amount of grueling physical work is applauded by the highest pay.

Blue-collar jobs are destroyed by technology, which leads people to white-collar jobs. (I want to mention I don't prefer one collar over the other.)

Other implementations are on the opposite end of the spectrum from frightening, including 3D printed food. Researchers in the Netherlands has grown animal cells to make lean muscle and Modern Meadow is working with bioprinting to replicating stem cells to create $300,000 hamburgers.

If that sounds disgusting, it's probably because it is. Researchers at Cornell University who have been working with 3D printed food as an alternative for astronauts, spoke with The Verge. They're having trouble getting people to actually eat the "almost, but not entirely, ordinary food."

But benefits to playing with your food do exist!

The Huffington Post also spoke with Cornell University scientists, who mentioned how much easier it could be to get children to eat their vegetables if broccoli was liquefied in a food processor, ran through the 3D printer for several minutes and sculpted into a furry zoo animals. Dr. Jeffrey Lipton then says, "Fun shapes don't just have to be for chicken nuggets!"

One problem, Dr. Lipton, chicken nuggets are fucking delicious. Chicken nuggets were a staple kid food before they were morphed into crowns and dinosaurs, not the other way around.

Give some credit to children, for God's sake. They still have taste buds, most likely more sensitive to shitty flavor than yours doctor. (Although I say that without having the slightest inkling of how old this doctor is.)

So to conclude, another absolutely absurd tech application: Toasters that burn highly-pixelated images as metaphors for the morning news into bread.

These are stencils and have absolutely nothing to do with the "News" Image Toaster above. Just watch the

video.

Hard-working scientists create a close-to-comatose civilization

When I told a friend about eye-tracking software on the Galaxy SIII and SIV, he said, "We're so lazy." 

While eye-tracking software, like Smart Stay, which keeps the screen lit even after the screen timeout as long as I'm looking at the device, can be handy, for most installations it's extremely excessive. For example, just take a look at Umoove's technology here. 

It doesn't even matter that you don't have to touch the phone, because you'd still have to technically hold it. And it's easy enough to hold and scroll with the same hand so you can hold your Starbucks latte paid with by your tele. 

Maybe I'm just writing off this technology without thinking but I don't see any reason why this would make my life easier really. Help me out!? 

Reminds me of a quote by the man, Dr. Albert Einstein: "I fear the day that technology will surpass our human interaction. The world will have a generation of idiots." 

This is something I think about on the regular. I'd like to ask engineers, scientists and nerds to start working on technology that actually means something, please. This kind of laziness, paired with the newly launched Google Glass is just the start of augmented reality. As George Orwell and Phillip K. Dick are celebrated as predictors of the future,give it 100 years and people will observe the world Andrew Stanton. Not familiar? That's because it's the director of kid's animation film, WALL-E. Soon that movie will be touted as the depressing realistic image of where we're headed. 

EEEEEEEEEEEEVA! 

Week long birthdays aren't just for high-maintenance women anymore

I seem to have made a lot of enemies. Or maybe it's just because I hide my birthday on Facebook... But most of the people I surround myself with have not and do not, so end up getting an unreadable amount of birthday wishes on their Facebook walls.

A friend's mom recently commented on another guy's Facebook wall saying, "Happy Birthday!" a day before this kid's actual birthday.

This was met with, "Thanks, but my birthday is actually tomorrow. LOL."

She said, "I know."

Confused...

Tomorrow came and went and by the end of the day, the guy had some utterly ridiculous number of "Happy
Birthday" comments, with around 70+ people writing bland wishes on his wall.

And then it hit me... That mom is a genius!

Wanting her message to be seen instead of lost in the jumble of real friends' (or more likely people you haven't spoken with in years) messages. Success.

Maybe her son was smacking his forehead thinking, 'This is why we should keep parents off Facebook.' But what she did worked, and honestly a few others followed her lead, probably not aware of what they were doing, more likely clumsily just greeting the birthday because someone else did and they didn't want to seem like the asshole that forgot.

And this brings me to a larger point.

While most people think birthdays become less meaningful as you get older, this generation will soon have birthdays weeks long. Instead of just that one measly day that more than not falls on a work day, which means you can't get drunk with reckless abandonment, unless you want all your co-workers AM drunk just by taking a whiff of your breath. Too be honest, that wouldn't be bad.

So you don't want to get drunk at work, boss? That's because you just don't know how fun, and ineffectively more productive, it is. (I kid.)

Although I only see the world becoming  more and more socially isolated, hiding behind a computer screen and with that becoming more awkward about anything when face-to-face, Facebook will create not only week-long online birthdays, but some -- crazy ex-girlfriends and other types of stalkers -- will transition this into the real world, wanting to make a statement with their card a couple days before the recipient's birthday so as not to get lost in between stacks of birthday cards from relatives on the actual day a watermelon-sized alien popped out of a woman's private parts.

Bring on week-long binge drinking followed by afternoon greasy food and emotional-cake-devouring.

                   "I don't recognize any of you, and I can't tell if it's because I've been drunk for five
                   days or if it's because I only invited Facebook friends to my birthday party." -Not even
                   the one holding the cake

Digital voices for those of us that aren't serial killers and pedophiles

TechCrunch touts Winston, a smartphone digital voice, as Siri’s younger brother. I think Winston sounds older. Honestly this would make sense that the grouchy, cantankerous older brother comes in after Siri reached fame, only to say, “F*** what you want to know. I’m not telling you where to kidnap a child! I’ll be the judge of important information in your life from now on.” 

Not to mention, the son of a Brit and a robot that has no bearing on punctuation. Winston’s better than my Garmin, Nancy Botwin – I received little directional Botwin during the Weeds season where Nancy starts boinking everyone and not paying attention to her kids, which I then equated with the bitchy attitude my Garmin gives me when I get turned around.

What did you just say, Nancy? Lack-a-shore Drive? You mean Lakeshore? Baaashwick Avenue? Bushwick, Nancy, it’s Bushwick? Arriving at Dat Hizzle? What in the hell did you just say? Oh yeah… That’s what I call the crib in the hood. You’re right. I’m sorry for yelling, Nancy.

Anyway, Winston gives users an AM daily briefing (video here) of news from actual news outlets and the news that’s unfortunately more important to most people these days from Facebook and other social media sites.  

The app is pretty sweet… I wouldn’t mind having a new friend that cares about the things I do and only talks to me for a couple minutes a day. Sounds perfect, except it’s only available for iPhone. Of course it is. And I just bought a new Galaxy SIII, which is way cooler than the new iPhone, plus with the current amount of background data I have running at all times, I can toast bread on the small, blazing hot, computer. 

                                                                    Winston. 

If my Explorer were self-driving there’d be a lot less furry woodland creatures reincarnated as blood smears

There’s been an insane amount of cool shit out there in the world of technology over the last couple weeks. Wait... Actually there’s always a ton of rad shit going on in the tech space.

One I thought especially noteworthy…

Self-driving cars.

During the Chicago Auto Show (I did not attend) Continental exhibited its Automated Driving prototype. With the flick of a switch the car takes over, allowing the driver to take feet off the pedals and hands off the steering wheel. The car then not only maintains the speed and lane, but also uses side-sensors and free-space detection to move into another lane or slow down if a jerk actually driving his car tries to cut you off.

This is especially attractive for me, being married to the highway. While my road trips have been hindered by my residence in the most expensive city of all god damn time – a short rum and coke cost me $11 the other weekend – I will eventually go crazy here and drive off into oblivion. My next destination is likely South Dakota.

I can already drive an incredible amount – my current record is 17 hours in one day. But this technology could make the roads much safer while I’m on them. With this I could take a nap, read a book, and write freely, instead of bounce around talking to myself scaring other drivers with cruise control on and both my feet stretched up on the dashboard.

But in a Wired article about a casual drive on Chicago’s South Lakeshore Drive, Ibro Muharemovic, an engineer at Continental, brought up a good point and obstacle for the self-driving machinery makers, now how do they convince motorists it’s good for them?

They've got one subscriber in me already though. Anything is safer than the late nights I put in on the road, scribbling thoughts while glancing at the road just in time to see my wheels in line with a furry woodland creature or shelled reptile.  

                                                      Making roadkill cute... 

Athletes to push along the rise of the super-humans!

Last week A-Rod was suspected of doping again. He's the newest contender on the long list of professional athletes currently under scrutiny for taking performance enhancing drugs.

But why? 

No, not why A-Rod are you making yourself bigger, faster and stronger -- to make baseball actually bearable to watch -- but why average Joes are we angry about this kind of behavior? As mentioned previously baseball is pretty slow as it is, so to fault A-Rod, Barry Bonds and Mark McGwire for making outstanding plays and hitting an ungodly number of home runs and killing their unborn children with shrinking testicals seems ridiculous. 

I grew up in Missouri, about two hours south of St. Louis, in the late 90s when McGwire was stepping up to the plate and hitting a home run every damn game. I was at Busch Stadium at most of those games, a young, rebellious girl bonding with her father instead of hiding in her room consuming massive amounts of vodka. I watched that little ball soar over the wall, regaining the home run lead, over and over, and while I can't remember who was on first or what day of the week it was, I will always remember that shit-eating grin on my father's face as he turned to me, giggling, to give me a high-five. My parents still have Cardinals memorabilia littered all over the basement -- baseballs commemorating records, small colorful baseball bats and my personal favorite, bobble heads  Side note: What in God's name were marketers thinking when they made baseball heroes loose chicken heads? 

What if McGwire hadn't been taking PEDs? Uh... None of that would've happened and I'd be dead in a ditch somewhere and my father would be heart-broken, not only for me but for the lousy baseball season. That could be an exaggeration and I don't believe in fate but it's a possibility. 

So instead of ranting about how these athletes soul should be sucked out through their freshly shrunken pee holes for ruining the game, let's cut the dramatics and stop giving a shit. Let them ALL take PEDs... Let the new generation of athletes and sports come -- one that in some sports, such as MMA, would rival that of the unsettling violence of Roman gladiators. People would love it, plus maybe while we were beating the living shit out of each other we'd stop worrying about beating the living shit out of other countries. Every one needs a little bloodshed at times. As Jonathan Swift once wrote, "War! that mad game the world so loves to play."

If we're able to be bigger, faster and stronger, let's. 

You might be thinking, what the hell does this have to do with technology. Well my friends, while I'm not a professional game-player, I am a professional writer... or something like that. And I was definitely a high school and college student with friends with ADD. And friends with ADD come packing stimulants of all kinds -- Adderall, Ritalin, Vyvanse, basically speed. And it helped... with everything. While some kids talked about getting caught up -- meaning the algebra and chemistry for the week to come before the weekend -- I had completed the entire fucking syllabus for me and ten friends. This was also a lucrative business for my alcohol habit, but don't judge me. Do you know how hard it is to fall asleep when your body is working like a hummingbird? 

Anyway... Last year I joined a hackerspace where I spent my Tuesdays dressing up like Lisbeth Salander and reading 2400 Hacker Magazine while the nerds gallivanted around the workshop taking apart computers and making women molds with the 3D printer. I drove two hours every Tuesday to do this. I kinda dug it.

While I was reading an edition, I stumbled across an article about scientists, or programmers in the body of scientists, creating "stimulants" that didn't have the nasty -- lack of appetite that leads to weight loss, twitching which induces smoking half a pack of cigarettes in 20 minutes, the inability to fall asleep, and sheer, utter happiness and ambition -- side-affects Adderall and other speeders had, so people could work harder, faster and longer. (Just for the record, I don't know any woman who thinks these are unhealthy side-affects.) Bingo... Super-humans! 

The idea that every single one of us could be speeding every single day, being the most productive work-force to have ever lived gives me the chills, in a good way. I want more technology... I want more drive... I want everything... Let the new generation of humans rise! If anyone has any negativity, voice your concerns now, and be defeated by robot creatures of the future. 

NFC will make you a super genius

While I spend most my time thinking about near-field communication (NFC) technology in terms of payments, NFC enables other uses that are likely to gain mainstream adoption more quickly than payments.

For Christ's sake, some people still use checks. And while it's highly embarrassing, I do too. But only to send rent to my landlord, who most likely denies the use of the "devils' toys," and to pay my mother back, who I persistently tell to sign up for Dwolla, but who consistently doesn't.

NFC also gives users the ability to wave or tap your smartphone to get more information, on basically anything that a tag could be stuck to. For example, South Downs National Park in Southern England now has NFC-enabled signs so walkers can learn more -- audio commentary about the area, information on the wildlife and other points of interest close by.

It's a super cool feature that will hopefully be integrated into all museums soon. When I go to the MoMa I don't want to scroll through their audio files on my non-existent iTunes account (of course I can only find an iPhone app). Soon I'll be able to tap my phone against a tag beside the artwork or scan a QR-code to unlock more information.

And then to payments. The Android platform has offered NFC to their users for a while, but Apple surprised the industry by leaving the technology out of the iPhone 5 in September. I don't think Apple's move was necessarily a bad one. While the technology is cool, allowing me one day to become a super genius merely tapping my phone like a magic wand on anything and everything in the world for a vast array of knowledge, there aren't many places that currently accept NFC-based payments.

                                           This is what we all could look like with NFC.

Both ISIS and Google Wallet bank on NFC, and the many industry experts I speak with believe the technology will win out as the payment method of the future.

On the other hand, PayPal does not seem to particularly care about NFC. PayPal developed a mobile wallet last year, allowing users to link their PayPal accounts to their mobile device. Customers then fund purchases by entering their phone number and a PIN into a merchant's point-of-sale terminal. I wouldn't mind trying out PayPal's mobile wallet, which also features shopping list tools, targeted offers and price comparison.

After recently touring PayPal's "innovation center" I also realized they'd be integrating Passbook-type capabilities. For example, users could house baseball tickets to be scanned at the gate. Once the tickets are scanned and the user walks into the stadium, based on location the user will receive an offer to go buy a hotdog with a $5 discount, bringing the price of a stadium hotdog closer to what you should pay for mysterious pig parts. After buying some grub, PayPal then maps out the directions to your seat. Now if only PayPal could make America's past time a blend of rugby and quidditch, going to a baseball game could be so much more entertaining.

And PayPal also sees image recognition software progressing quite quickly in the future, allowing consumers to snap a photo of some biker boots in the window of a closed-for-the-night retailer, order them online, and choose to have them delivered or pick them up the next day. This feature would also allow users to peruse through a gallery of similar items, at possibly cheaper prices. Seriously I'm tingling... The future looks bright for my shoe shopping, but most likely quite dim for my savings.

While PayPal is planning on making its mobile wallet easily upgraded if NFC were to gain popularity, the eBay subsidiary currently uses Cloud-based technology and supports QR codes.

While some wonder what's easier about tapping a phone as a substitute for swiping a card, I imagine us women will understand this better as we sift through a purse for a clutch buried beneath make-up that's decades old, a pair of flats for the end of the night and countless other useless things, just to make a purchase. But our phones will always be in our back pocket, our hand hovering there like a Wild West cowboy in a dual, for the hot guy we met at the bar last night to give us a call. Or without pockets, the front of our shirt, where it rests nicely in its bra stand.

Guys won't be far behind though, especially as men's style continues to turn towards tight fitting trousers and vests whose pockets are stuffed with handkerchiefs and hipster James Bond-like accessories.

Digging through a wallet or purse looking for the specific card is a hassle. Mobile wallets will fix this hassle.  Seriously people, start adopting this technology. Do me a favor. I'm ready.