Week long birthdays aren't just for high-maintenance women anymore

I seem to have made a lot of enemies. Or maybe it's just because I hide my birthday on Facebook... But most of the people I surround myself with have not and do not, so end up getting an unreadable amount of birthday wishes on their Facebook walls.

A friend's mom recently commented on another guy's Facebook wall saying, "Happy Birthday!" a day before this kid's actual birthday.

This was met with, "Thanks, but my birthday is actually tomorrow. LOL."

She said, "I know."

Confused...

Tomorrow came and went and by the end of the day, the guy had some utterly ridiculous number of "Happy
Birthday" comments, with around 70+ people writing bland wishes on his wall.

And then it hit me... That mom is a genius!

Wanting her message to be seen instead of lost in the jumble of real friends' (or more likely people you haven't spoken with in years) messages. Success.

Maybe her son was smacking his forehead thinking, 'This is why we should keep parents off Facebook.' But what she did worked, and honestly a few others followed her lead, probably not aware of what they were doing, more likely clumsily just greeting the birthday because someone else did and they didn't want to seem like the asshole that forgot.

And this brings me to a larger point.

While most people think birthdays become less meaningful as you get older, this generation will soon have birthdays weeks long. Instead of just that one measly day that more than not falls on a work day, which means you can't get drunk with reckless abandonment, unless you want all your co-workers AM drunk just by taking a whiff of your breath. Too be honest, that wouldn't be bad.

So you don't want to get drunk at work, boss? That's because you just don't know how fun, and ineffectively more productive, it is. (I kid.)

Although I only see the world becoming  more and more socially isolated, hiding behind a computer screen and with that becoming more awkward about anything when face-to-face, Facebook will create not only week-long online birthdays, but some -- crazy ex-girlfriends and other types of stalkers -- will transition this into the real world, wanting to make a statement with their card a couple days before the recipient's birthday so as not to get lost in between stacks of birthday cards from relatives on the actual day a watermelon-sized alien popped out of a woman's private parts.

Bring on week-long binge drinking followed by afternoon greasy food and emotional-cake-devouring.

                   "I don't recognize any of you, and I can't tell if it's because I've been drunk for five
                   days or if it's because I only invited Facebook friends to my birthday party." -Not even
                   the one holding the cake